Midnight Crisis
by Nessa Elendil
Summary: Being an Animagus may mean you're smart, but not always common sense wise. Especially when the Animagus is Sirius Black. Setting: Hogwarts Era: Marauders Genre: Humor Please R
1. Midnight Crisis

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the character, setting, etc.**_

Sirius Black was fifteen and feeling great. He had transformed into his Animagus form, a large, shaggy, black dog, just over an hour ago when his friends had decided to turn in for the night. Sirius, being the night owl – or dog – that he was, decided to have some fun and had been chasing the caretaker's cat, Mrs. Norris, around the whole of Hogwarts for that past hour. Now slightly out of breath, Sirius had lost sight and scent of the mangy little feline, so he decided to chase the next best thing, which just happened to be a tabby cat he just spotted.

"ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!"

The tabby hissed at Sirius and took off. Sirius chuckled at himself and lunged after his new chase. 'I knew this would be better than doing that stupid essay,' he thought. 'Now this is how to live!'

He chased the cat all around Hogwarts; through the deserted corridors, into and out of empty classrooms, up and down stairs, and he was having the time of his life.

Sirius saw the cat dash around a corner like a speeding fur ball and followed it. The minute he turned, he tried to stop so quickly that he slid two feet before regaining control of his movement and turning back around. He had never been so shocked in all his life than when he turned that corner and saw the tabby cat transform into Professor McGonagall! And now she was chasing him, with a rolled up newspaper, no less!

Sirius fled for his life as McGonagall ran after him shouting, "Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here, you brute!" and other phrases to the like.

Sirius ran down the large staircase.

McGonagall followed him.

Sirius ran past the Great Hall.

McGonagall kept pace.

Sirius ran out onto the grounds.

McGonagall still followed and began slowing her pace, but she did not go back inside the castle until Sirius stopped running – ending up in the Forbidden Forest.

Sirius fell onto his side to catch his breath. 'Man,' he thought, 'she can sure run fast for an old braud.'

Slowly, Sirius got up and headed for the Gryffindor tower, making sure to avoid contact with and other living being. He reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was snoozing in her frame. He transformed back into a teenager, woke her up, gave the password, and entered his beloved "sanctuary".

Sirius mounted the staircase leading to his dormitory, peaceful and quiet. He opened the door and almost had a heart attack. Staring at him, and laughing like there was no tomorrow, were the other four Marauders – Remus, Peter, James, and Jasmine – all huddled around something.

"I was in the bathroom! What?" Sirius asked before joining them. Lying on the bed they were all gathered around, Sirius saw – _dun dun dun _– the Marauders' Map. They had seen the whole thing, only blown WAY out of proportion.

The laughter started again as Sirius began to go red in the face.

"Why, Padfoot," James teased, "you animal. You really are a chick magnet."


	2. Epilogue: The Morning After

**--The Next Day--  
Gryffindor Table - Breakfast**

Professor Dumbledore stood and the Great Hall silenced to hear the Headmaster's words.

"Professor McGonagall has alerted me to a potential danger around the grounds of Hogwarts. Last night while she was patrolling the school, Professor McGonagall was, uh, for lack of a better phrase, attacked by a large black dog. While I do not believe the dog is intentionally hostile towards humans, I still fear it necessary to warn students to be wary, even though Professor McGonagall has been successful in chasing it away once. Now, on a lighter note, tuck in."

The dog that chased McGonagall was the topic of breakfast that morning. The Marauders, except for Sirius, were trying to stifle their laughs as they listened to the conversations around them.

"Do you think that poor little doggy has a home?" a girl asked her friends a bit down the table.

"I don't know, Liz. If it's not too vicious, I'd adopt it! That must be one brave dog to go after McGonagall like that!" another answered.

Sirius liked the idea of belonging to a beautiful girl who would take care of his every need.

A few students down the other way of the table, some boys, apparently a bit less pro-animal than the girls, were discussing their own theories.

"So, what do ya think McGonagall's gonna do to that dog once she catches it?"

"I don't know. Hey, maybe she'll skin it alive and sew its pelt too her cloak!"

Sirius turned pale, and James fell out of his seat he was trying so hard not to laugh.

"But does that really sound like McGonagall?" a third boy asked.

"No it doesn't, no it doesn't," Sirius muttered.

"Nah, not really," the first boy agreed.

The second one added, "You're right, she'd probably kill it first."

No one disagreed.

Sirius turned pale once again.

"Hey, Padfoot!" Jasmine leaned over. "What do _you_ think McGonagall will do to the big stupid dog?"

As Sirius mumbled incoherently, James, who was sitting up on the floor in attempt to get back in his seat, fell back in another fit of laughter as the other Marauders snickered uncontrollably.

"Maybe she'll make him part of a mushing team of sled dogs!" Peter piped up.

A shocked look crossed over Sirius's face. "You mean _physical labor_?!" he asked horrified, causing his friends to burst out laughing once more.

When breakfast was all but over, the Marauders dragged Sirius up to the Head Table.

"Professor Dumbledore?" James asked.

"Yes, James?"

"Do you think the dog you told us about is diseased?"

Sirius looked startled that his best friend would ask that, as his other friends worked as hard as they could to keep a straight face.

Dumbledore sighed, a sadness behind his twinkling eyes. "The dog may be sick, yes. That could account for its behavior towards Professor McGonagall; even in her Animagus form, a dog should have been able to recognize her as human."

The Marauders snickered unintentionally, except for Sirius who looked appalled.

"Mr. Black, is something wrong?" Dumbledore asked.

"He's just very attached to dogs, sir," Jasmine answered for him, winking at Remus.

"Sir, what do you think will happen to the dog, if it's caught?" Remus took a shot at getting a good answer.

The old professor sighed. "If it's caught, the dog may be tested for adoption suitability, and, if it passes, receive all of its antibacterial shots, maybe fixed, and put up for adoption. If the poor creature is found unsuitable for adoption, it will most likely be put down."

"F-f-fixed or put down?" Sirius stuttered.

The Marauders had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing at Sirius's, if possible, even paler face and expression.

"I'm afraid so," Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe Professor Slughorn wished to see me about something."

The Headmaster took his leave, and the Marauders burst out laughing, except for Sirius who just stood there.

It took two minutes for them to catch their breaths.

"Padfoot?" James asked his friend uncertainly.

He didn't move.

Remus poked him.

Sirius passed out.

--THE END--

_**A/N: How'd you like it?**_


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